"...without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of."

So let's see. We've got plagues in the form of bird flu and mad cow. We've got war in the Middle East. Paris is burning because of a Muslim uprising. And now...we've got pirates.

Pirates armed with grenade launchers and machine guns tried to hijack a luxury cruise liner off the east African coast Saturday, but the ship outran them, officials said.

Two boats full of pirates approached the Seabourn Spirit about 100 miles off the Somali coast and opened fire while the heavily armed bandits tried to get onboard, said Bruce Good, spokesman for the Miami-based Seabourn Cruise Line, a subsidiary of Carnival Corp.

The ship escaped by shifting to high speed and changing course.

And apparently these were not your run of the mill pirates either. We're talking hard core Treasure Island pirates. No Jack Sparrow's or Seinfeld puffy shirts in this lot. Captain Jack Sparrow, I mean...

Edith Laird of Seattle, who was traveling with her daughter and a friend, told the British Broadcasting Corp. in an e-mail that her daughter saw the pirates out the window.

"There were at least three rocket-propelled grenades that hit the ship, one in a state room," Laird wrote. "We had no idea that this ship could move as fast as it did and (the captain) did his best to run down the pirates."

The Spirit was bound for Mombasa, Kenya, at the end of a 16-day voyage from Alexandria, Egypt. It was expected to reach the Seychelles on Monday, and then continue on its previous schedule to Singapore, company officials said.

The 440-foot-long, 10,000-ton cruise ship, which is registered in the Bahamas, sustained minor damage, Good said. The liner, which had its maiden voyage in 1989, can accommodate 208 guests.

"They took some fire, but it's safe to sail," he said.

Oh yeah, sure, no problem. Just a couple rockets in the side. Battle on the high seas? All in a day's work. Just run'em over at flank speed. No sweat.

Impressive move by the captain. I'd have ran their ass over too. But good grief...some vacation.